Thinkathon BLUEs
Walk with Blue
Walk with Blue
Mar 19th
Early morning I get up my bed, prayed and wished that I may be able to land a job. Today I’ll be going to another company trying my luck out as a Jr. Developer. Sadly, after I had their examination same as what I had on my RCG IT application I had my misfortune. It’s been weeks and counting that I am aspiring and stum
ble on for a job but until now I haven’t found right post for me. Bad timing, not my time I guess but then I am so disappointed of what I am acting and performing. I feel like giving up on these tribulations I am encountering. I am not finding post because of my personal growth but for others. Yes, I do have other plans for my salary and I should keep it private until I landed for one. Stumbling for a jobs seems so hard given that you are a newly graduate getting a post which needs job experience. Software development is what I love but Kuya seems not giving me what I wanted. I remember what I just had written on my application. They are asking me what drives me apply for that position on their company. I simply said, “It is my passion dreaming of new ideas and putting it into actions through software development and I guess that drives me to apply for that position you’re company is catering”. But I guess, software development is not the career which my fate is pointing at I should search for it.
After my exam, I went straight to Glorietta to bug off my mind out of tribulations and miseries. I set up my mind watching another romance movie. Fate gave me such bonus and drives me to watch not-so-romantic-movie Book of Eli. At first I thought Book of Eli was an action movie that I even told my girlfriend it is an action film [we should have watched them together the other day or maybe today]. Kuya strikes again, this time I will listen. [Seriously, I am not totally listening at Him] He let me watched the movie all alone, strikes me at my most unhappy part of my day. While I am watching a movie and I think of someone will bombard the movie house as one unknown person find a seat beside me and after few minutes left. I couldn’t see anything as where he sat was a few seats from me but then he left it unfolded. To my nervousness I am praying that if this is my time, it is my time. The best part is, I am watching an apocalypse-type of movie. How real right?
Further on, at first I didn’t get a chance to tell myself I will love this movie but as the reel goes winding made me realize it is a good film to watch. Suggestion, watch it all by yourself then think of deep things like death and what ifs.
(Just to further spill to you what the movie is all about, lemme share it to you on my next post)
After I had watched it, I then hurry to go out of the movie house to my fear of someone bombarding it. haha! Well, every time I go to the movie house that is what runs on my wits. Relaxing, peaceful aura of a movie house ample of guys and gals are dating someone will ruin your day by taking Death bringer at your side. Anyway!
After I took my shopping center rituals, I decided to walk down the and settled to talk to my Father, I went to my Father’s house [ours] and talked. We had a good talk and rest is history.
As I am ending my day with a blog, I am trying to start a new life. Good start of mom taking me at a nearby dentist to treat my Aquino-colored teeth. And a good start of not having petty fight with my mom.
As I end this blog I just want to quote Eli’s prayer I guess this is a good way to end the night.. “Dear Lord, Thank you for giving me the strength and the conviction to complete the task you entrusted to me. Thank you for guiding me straight and true through the many obstacles in my path. And for keeping I resolute when all around seemed lost. Thank you for your protection and your many signs along the way. Thank you for any good that I may have done, I’m so sorry about the bad. Thank you for the friend I made. Thank you for finally allowing me to rest. I’m so very tired, but I go now to my rest at peace. I fought the good fight, I finished the race, I kept the faith. “
Jan 30th
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Dec 10th
As I am waiting for Sir Jao to come, I am listening to a conversation on my right. They were talking about Christmas wishlist as what they have on their list and so on. I came to think of having my own Christmas wishlist. Thinking of a nice present this Christmas is difficult though. I won’t expect that I can get two or three kinds on my list this Christmas rest assured I appreciate any. Here’s my list.
Christmas wishlist:
Lets just stop wishing for lustful gadgets, be more practical.
Despite of having a Christmas wishlist, I still believe that what matters most is a gift coming from one’s heart.
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